The camera switches backstage and shows the S.I.N. lockerroom. Christy Hemme is waiting outside to catch an interview with the next member that emerges. The handle of the door goes and out steps.... {CM}Punk.
The sound of the crowd cheering brings a smirk to Punk's face as he looks down as Christy with an eyebrow raised.
Punk: Can.. I help you?
Christy: I was hoping to get a few words with you about your return and your upcoming Patriot Title shot against Ace.
Punk: There's not much else to say about my return. I've come back in an attempt to heal the gangrenous limbs of iTNA, to give the people what they want to see, real entertainment. If they can't be healed, then Dr. Punk will simply have to sever them. As for my Patriot Title shot, it's nothing more than a stepping stone. It's a real shame that I've got to fight Ace for it though. I was hoping to put on a good show with H}{H but he's on to bigger things now as will I once I've captured this belt. As I said, I've pushed aside every corporate kiss-ass that's been put in front of me so far and it's only just beginning.
Christy: You singled out groups such as TeamRocket and WeDontCare and others in your return. There's been whispering backstage that some of these factions aren't happy with what you said. Are you prepared for any backlash from them?
Punk: Backlash? Those idiots couldn't organise a revenge attack if they had a step by step guide for dummies and a guide dog to lead the way. The truth hurts sometimes, just nobody has had the stones to tell them that. I'm not exactly sure why either, who the hell is going to be scared of a group that resembles the Mickey Mouse club and another that has more comings and goings than a back street hooker, just less credibility. No, there's no fear, S.I.N. have each other's backs and any one of us alone possesses far more intellect than their entire stable... Hell, even Josh. We couldn't give a damn if they're annoyed, pissed off, upset, angry, agitated, sexually frustrated.. whatever issues they are experiencing right now are their own and are probably fair easily to diagnose... In fact... I was just speaking to someone that could help... Hold on a moment.
{CM}Punk walks back into the S.I.N. lockerroom leaving Christy a little bemused outside, a few moments pass and Punk emerges with a long white coat, fake glasses and a clipboard.
Dr Punk: Hmm yes... my colleague has just explained the situation here within the stables of iTNA, specifically the likes of WeDontCare, TeamRocket and NewWrestlingOrder... mmm it looks like a clear cut case of sexual frustration brought on by the withdrawal symptoms originating from prolonged breasfeeding.
Christy chuckles as the crowd is heard erupting in laughter.
Dr Punk: A few of the members seem to be struggling with PTSD, Post Traumatic Suckling Disorder, which can lead to disarray within each team as other members become a little confused and sexually attracted to each other, most likely in an attempt to substitute their mother's nipple with the nipples of their peers. The larger members of the groups with the more profound pecks, or as we call them in the medical world "moobies", are primary targets within the teams and are more likely to have bursts of rage and temper tantrums upon losing any competitive matches as they know full well with each loss they fall down the pecking order within the team and fall to the bottom of the suckling chain, effectively becoming the primary teat giver, or "suckle sluts" if you will.
*Pager goes off*
Dr. Punk: Oh my... i'm so sorry my dear, all this talk about the other wrestlers appears to have gotten their nipples burning... Dr. Punk to the rescue!
Punk marches off down the corridor as the camera pans back to Christy who is wiping the tears from her eyes.
Christy: Well Ladies and Gentlemen... umm... Dr. Punk?... I... back to you at ringside.
